Did you know that once you marry there are 6 people in your relationship? Huh? Yep. You, your partner and both sets of your parents! That makes that first year mighty interesting. Our family, and society and our subconscious role expectations impinge on the happily ever after. Some of that shine turns into soot if not toxic green slime.
Women are conscious feelers. And the fastest way for a man to get a woman’s attention is to show interest in her. The woman then feels fascinated, tuned in, needed, welcomed, understanding, appreciated, essential and caring. Lots of good feelings in there.
When things go wrong we flip to their opposites- hurt, embarrassed, wounded, used/abused/confused, unappreciated, rejected, dumb (unable to talk) and offended. Women this is the time to consciously work stuff out!
Now the man starts with his feelings in the subconscious realm. Enthusiasm is the starter as he is simply amused by her quirks and he is attractive, jubilant, admirable, delighted, excited, alive and trusting. That’s the man we fell in love with.
When things go wrong he flips into hostility- acting out trapped, picked on, put-upon, frustrated, deprived, sarcastic, vindictive and withholding. Ugh! Women hate that because that’s the “proof” that there is no trust and it is very hard to get it back.
The spiral is about to continue unless the conscious woman can bring him back up. For men the subconscious rules. It is all about Interest and Enthusiasm, show him enthusiasm about him and the relationship continues. He can then move up to the conscious realm of acceptance and choosing to be approachable, optimistic, acceptable, adaptable, worthy, deserving and open.
For women we need to feel equality.
The good news is you can get help. Neuro-Training will help you bring back the sparkle…even many anniversaries down the track.
Happy Valentine’s Day.